The Counselor's Corner, Issue 1

A message from the counselors:

The Counselor’s Corner

Welcome to the Counselor’s Corner. Middle school can be a time of struggle for both parents and students, and we want to offer as much support as we can. This column will feature frequently asked questions, guidance through these tumultuous years and information on coming events. As much as these years can be difficult, they can also be delightful and full of growth. We look forward to helping you through this process.

A River Runs through Kenilworth

There is a river analogy for parenting and setting boundaries. Your child is the river and you are the banks. If the banks are too restrictive, then the water is dammed and will run over into rebellion. If the banks are too lenient, the water has no direction and will flow into chaos. It is the banks that tolerate and adjust with the river’s ebb and flow that allow the waters to run smoothly. What does this mean? Set strong boundaries for your child, but be aware of their growing need for independence. Some of the following suggestions
may help.

• Maintain consistency – If it hasn't already happened, testing boundaries will soon begin. We all understand the desire to give in to the whining, tantrums, yells and “whatever,” but resist the temptation. Adolescents need strong, clear boundaries now more than ever. Don’t believe the line, “You’re the only parent that restricts (fill in the blank).”
• Set rules – Set as few rules as possible, but those you choose to set, stick with them. Be consistent and firm. Involve them in the decision about how to enforce the rules, but remember that you have to be the enforcer.
• Be prepared for change – We all notice the physical changes in our adolescent children, but they are also changing mentally and emotionally. Expect further or new disorganization, forgetfulness, emotional outbursts, exploring new territories and anxiousness for independence. Expect constant changes.
• Be aware of their fears – While they may not always express their concerns or even talk to you, they are experiencing self-doubt and fear daily. Not only is this a time of transition, six classes, new school, six teachers, new friends, but they are also in the trenches of social development. They wonder how others will accept them, what their role is, who they are, what if they aren't smart enough, etc., etc. Soothe and console them with positive affirmations.
• Don’t go it alone – We have around 900 students at Kenilworth and just as many parents. Use each other as a support. Talk and share what is happening with your children. If your child is going over to someone else’s house, call that parent and find out about their rules. Have your child get numbers of others in the class to use as homework buddies. If your adolescent says, “I don’t have homework,” call over to the buddies house to check for accuracy and clarification. The more we all work as a team, the more our students will succeed. Parenting can be incredibly difficult, but immensely rewarding. The above tips are to help in making the parenting river a smoother ride for everyone. 

If you have any questions, suggestions or feedback for the Counseling Staff
please e-mail us at cruzick@petk12.org or ewestcott@petk12.org

The above information was adapted from “Moving Right Along: Ways Parents Can Help Children Succeed in the Middle Grades.” The Parent Institute, 2002.